Get Over All Those Spontaneities

At last, I received Mr. Tan's e-mail again, probably my reaction is rather dramatic and sudden, as a part of my charming personality of which highly affected by literary studies. Never mind, this shit is already over, no more conversation in the future.

After this incident, I am a firm believer of anti-religion. Religion is a horrible thing, you may agree with me or not, but please respect my choice. Religions separate human kind and alienate us. Such a horrifying tool.

Alas, I am not looking for a secular, carnal, materialistic life, but to pursue spirituality and freedom of individuality. Religion does no wrong but those who employ them and to hurt others or impose their beliefs to others should be condemned.

Je n'ai pas le temps pour me sens triste, il faut continuer la vie, même si la vie est un rêve. C'est bizarre et croyable d'être rester en vie.

Les étoiles nous donnent les messages - ne vous séparerez jamais du courage pour vivre.

Thought devoted to Lady L

Lady L changed a large part of my life.
My way of thinking and lifestyle i'll adopt.

想至此，我想我不会真的进入Ds这个团体，里面有太多的未知数，而且愿意如此公开加入线上讨论的人，想必也不会是多真挚的人。There is no reason for me to give in myself like a slave with no individual desire to this bond.

Great, i'm sane to reflect on this. I'm still young and fresh to have my dream realized :D

I love being alive and thinking the million possibility of life.



Lady L, thank you coming into my life when i was 14, you are influential. I know you won't know i had a crush to you before. I'm glad, however, both of us are happy of who we are now C:

C'est l'heure à réfléchir ce qu'il s'est passé

- No meeting prior to the confirmed will to put Ds into real life practice
- Be aware of illusional trap and blind spot, there will be different from what you have imagine

- It's already late February, anything to say? (Grinning)

You're systematically designed!

Everything is systematically designed

the test, the industry, the process of one's life

your procedure of every little step in this society

even your tomb will have a certain standard

We are perfectly trained to act like who we are now.

Even the resistance from crowd was expected and given right to exercise,

individuality sounds stupid to be proved though.

However, every little defect we have save us from being perfect and lapse into industrialized product.

Faire une expérience

J'ai fait une expérience pour bien comprendre du monde de SM'ers. Voila, c'est une participation special. J'ai écrit un poster et d'après j'ai reçu pleine de messages et demandes.

D'accord, il faut je liste quelque principes pour me remarquer:

- Jamais leurs donne tes informations de réelle. Pour eux, c'est juste un jeu. Ils t'en fous.
- Proteger toi-meme et ton futur, faire attention sur ta vie réelle.

Bonne nuit, ma chéri!

人生怪事二三

Time to work out and time to move over this phrase. 

说得容易做不易。

人生的新章节要揭开了，是否是新的也不重要，前进或后退也无妨，走或匍匐均可，只要心态正确。

－－Y.C.

Another post after reading some more SMer's Blog

We are all instinct-driven.
Some love music, some love drawing,
some love them both, or love them not.


The biggest distinction I found from these SMer's blog is the quality of their state of mind in having engaged at BDSM. I believe this difference is in terms of their principal pursuit and insight of BDSM.

Huh, you may ask, are you kidding me, do you really take this s*** serious? Oh, i must tell you that i do take everything seriously apart from myself (in fact, this is a false statement).




Everyday Quote: Ideas disturb the levelness of life.

Disclosing my path from fan fiction to BDSM's real life

Having a cold head and calm soul

My state of mind is extremely distorted after reading blog posts from BDSM's couples. One of the most impressive one must be this couple: Taiwanese lady/sub and British gentleman/dom. They run an online customized BDSM's feather business meanwhile updating and sharing their lifestyle publicly on blog. 

http://bdsmtaisirsub(dot)blogspot(dot)hk  (in Chinese and English)

It gave me quite a startle. You may ask if you are not interested in this field why would you have read these. In fact, we need to recall how did I get on this path at the beginning in order to piece together the current picture. 

At the outset, I'm only a reader of romanticized erotic LGBT story. Some call this, "TanBi" (耽美), or "BL" (Boy's Love). I went on reading these fantasized fiction and touched upon "training" and "BDSM". This result is totally out of my anticipation from the beginning of reading.

First, I've never known that the encounter of fan fiction (of Japanese Manga) will lead me to erotic gay story then to the shocking BDSM fiction and concerning real life story. I impute this irreparable condition of "Present" to my teenage curiosity and being impressionable by peers who induce me to read these. The fact is that whoever lack of exercising self-control will become others' puppet.

Second, from my college reading, I've leant Lacanian psychoanalysis which helps me to face my own sexual instinct and desire, moreover, to interpret human desire and state of mind in general. Although I might not be professional, this thinking tool has encouraged me to look in the eye of my own (from the reflection of mirror though) and to treat my body and personality fairly.

Well, this unexpected journey from my young Junior 2 to current full-blown college final year actually whipped my will power and torture me like hell. I have a kind of COD which is like perverted behavior - doing work repetitively till the moment of having wiped out. Like anyone who has anorexia or bulimia can't help themselves to avoid unnecessary suffering. 

I blame myself and hate of being like acrasia. This is a bad cycle, can't stop doing one thing but hate to do it. After having read the blog of SP fetish couple, I feel like throwing up. (not by natural cause, I did it with my fingers) 

Food disgusts me.

The way they live is out of mainstream and so outrageous. Although I say this with respect and love, for a young woman like me, I can't imagine this distorted love and desire. 

Just like you can't understand my pleasure of self-criticizing. If you have the same experience or some words to share, please kindly leave your comments below. 

Thank you for reading.

Everyday Quote: Learn to finish one thing before start doing it.